Fool Chapter 16

SIXTEENA STORM RISINGThe storm blew in during the night. I was eating my breakfast in the kitchen when a row erupted in the courtyard. I h pinnuled Lear shout and left to attend him, leaving my porridge with Drool. Kent intercepted me in the corridor.So the old cosmos lived through the night? utter I.I slept at his door, tell Kent. Where were you? arduous to see two princesses ruthlessly shagged and starting a civilized war, thank you, and with no square-toed supper, neither.Fine feast, state Kent. Ate public treasury I nearly burst just to see the king went unpoisoned. Who is all-fired St. Stephen, anyway?Then I saw Oswald coming down the corridor. acceptable Kent, go see that the daughters dont kill the king, and that Cornwall doesnt kill Edmund, and that the sisters dont kill each otherwise, and if you rat help it, dont kill anyone. Its too early for killing.Kent hurried off as Oswald reached me.So, verbalize Oswald, you lived through the night?Of course, why wouldnt I? I asked.Well, because I told Cornwall of your rendezvous with Regan and I expected him to slay you.Oh for fucks sake, Oswald, leaven a teensy guile, would you? The state of villainy in this castle is rubbish, what with Edmund world pleasant and you cosmos straight transport. Whats next, Cornwall starts feeding orphans plot of ground bloody bluebirds fly out of his bum? Now, lets generate it again, see if you can at least retain up a pretense of evil. Go.So, you lived through the night? express Oswald.Of course, why wouldnt I? I asked.Oh, no reason, I was worried about you.I clouted Oswald on the ear with Jones. No, you nitwit, Id never believe youre concerned for my welfare youre a right weasel, arent you?He made to reach for his sword and I hit his wrist a vicious blow with Joness stick end. The villain leapt choke offwards and rubbed his bruised wrist.Despite your incompetence, our compact stands. I need you to consult with Edmund. Give him this letter from Regan. I p ass him the letter Id written at first light. Regans hand was easy to duplicate. She speckled her is with hearts. Dont break the seal, it professes her devotion for him, but instructs him to show no outward pith for her. You must also caution him against showing any deference to your dame Goneril in front of Regan. And because I know the intrigue confuses you, let me occasion out your interest here. Edmund leave dispatch your Lord Albany, thus let go of your lady to other affections, only then will we reveal to Cornwall that Edmund has cuckolded him with Regan, and the duke will dispatch the bastard, at which time, I will cast the love spell on Goneril, direct her into your own ferrety arms.You could be lying. I try to energise you killed. Why would you help me?Excellent question. First, I, unlike you, am not a villain, therefore I can be expected to proceed with a modicum of integrity. And, second, I wish to visit r even outge on Goneril for how she has treated me, her y ounger sister, Cordelia, and King Lear. I can think of no better penalization for her than pairing her with the man-shaped tower of excrement that is yourself.Oh, thats reasonable, state Oswald.Off you go, then. See that Edmund doesnt show deference.I might slay him myself, for violating my lady.No, you wont, youre a coward. Or had you forgotten?Oswald started to flick then with anger, but he did not try to reach for his sword. digest along, mate, Pockets got a bumload of foolin yet to do.A randy hand of wind groped the courtyard, sending the sisters skirts tossing and snapping their hair in their faces. Kent crouched and clung to his great broad-brimmed hat to keep it from being carried away. The old king held his skin cape tight some him and squinted against the dust, while the Duke of Cornwall and Earl of Gloucester stood by the great gate for shelter the duke content, it seemed, to let his duchess do the talking. I was relieved to see that Edmund was not in attendance, so I danced into the courtyard, bells a-jingle, mental strain in heart.Hi ho verbalize I. Everyone get a proper bonking for the Saturnalia, did they?The two sisters looked at me blankly, as if I might have been verbalise Chinese or dog, and they had not, all overnight, each received rousing repeated bonkings from an bulky donkey-donged nitwit. Gloucester looked down, embarrassed, I suppose, over abandoning his own pantheon for St. Stephen, and a wholly bollocks sanctum holiday feast. Cornwall sneered.Ah, verbalise I. Then a crispy biscuit queer Jesus cornu-bloody-copia of Christmas cheer, was it? Silent night, camels and wise men frankenstein, gold, and myrrh all around then?Sodding Christian harpies want to take away my knights, verbalise Lear. Ive already lost half my train to you, Goneril, Ill not lose the rest.Oh, yes, sire, state I. Christianity is their fault. I forgot that the wind blew out of a pagan sky for you today.Regan stepped forward then, and yes, she was walking a bit bow-legged. Why do you need to keep fifty men, Father? Weve plenty of servants to tend to you. And, said Goneril, they will be under our charge, so there will be no disaccord within the walls of our homes.Im of my sisters mind on this, said Regan.Youre always of your sisters mind, said Lear. An trustworthy thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.Thats the spirit, sire, said I. Treat them like bins of used nappies and watch them serve around. A oppugn theyve turned out so delightful with fathering of that quality.Take them, then, you flesh-tearing harpies Would that I could take up your mother from her tomb and accuse her of most grievous adultery, for you cannot be trim down from my loins and treat me so.I nodded and lay my head on Gonerils shoulder. on the face of it the adultery comes from Mums side of the family, pumpkin the bitterness and stunning bosoms are from Papa.She pushed me aside, in spite of my wisdom.Lear was losing all control now, trembling as he shouted helplessly at his daughters, looking weaker and more slight with every word. Hear me, gods If it be you that stir these daughters hearts against their father, then touch me with noble anger, and stain not my mans cheeks with womens weapons, the water drops.Those arent tears on your cheeks, nuncle, said I. Its raining.Gloucester and Cornwall looked away, embarrassed for the old man. Kent had his workforce on the kings shoulders and was trying to lead him gently out of the rain. Lear shrugged him off and stormed up to his daughters.You unnatural hags I will have such revenges on you both(prenominal) that the world er, I will do such things that I dont even know yet, but they will be horrible the very terrors of the priming But Ill not weep Ill not. Even if my heart shall break into a hundred thousand shards, I shall not weep. O fool, I shall go madAye, nuncle, smashing good start youre off to. I tried to put an arm around Lears shoulders, but he elbowed me away.Rescind your orders, harpies, or I shall leave this house. He made for the great gate.It is for your own good, Father, said Goneril. Now, cease this ranting and come inside.I gave you all screeched Lear, waving a palsied claw at Regan.And you took your bloody time giving it, too, you doddering old fuck, said Regan.She came up with that one all on her own, nuncle, said I, looking on the bright side.I will go, threatened Lear, other step toward the gate. Im not having you on. Ill head right out that door.Pity, said Goneril.Shame, really, said Regan.Here I go. Right out that gate. Never to return. All alone.Ta, said Goneril.Au revoir, said Regan, in nearly perfect fucking French.I mean it. The old man was actually through the gate now. clam up it, said Regan.But, lady, its not fit for man nor beast out there, said Gloucester.Fucking close it said Goneril. She ran forward and pushed the great iron prize by the gatehouse with all her might. The heavy, iron-clad portcullis slammed down, the points just missing the old king as they set in the ports a foot deep in the rock and roll.Ill go, said Lear, through the grate. Dont think I wont.The sisters left the courtyard for the shelter of the castle. Cornwall followed them and called for Gloucester to come along.But this storm, said Gloucester, watching his old friend through the bars. No one should be out in this storm.He brought it on himself, said Cornwall. Now, come along, good Gloucester.Gloucester pulled himself away from the grate and followed Cornwall into the castle, leaving just Kent and me standing(a) in the rain in only our woolen cloaks. Kent looked tortured over the old mans fate.Hes alone, Pocket. Its not even noon and the sky is as obscure as midnight. Lear is outside and alone.Oh buggering bugger, said I. I looked at the chains conduct up to the top of the gatehouse, the beams that protruded from the walls, the crenellations at the top to protect the archers. Damn the anchore ss and Belette for my monkey-training as an acrobat. Ill go with him. But you have to hide Drool from Edmund. Talk to the washwoman with the smashing knockers, shell help. She fancies the lad, no matter what she says.Ill go get help to crank up the gate, said Kent.Not to worry. You look after the Natural, and watch your back for Edmund and Oswald. Ill return with the old man when I can. And with that I shoved Jones down the back of my jerkin, ran and leapt onto the massive chain, spidered up it hand over hand, swung up onto one of the beams that protruded from the stone above, then hopped from beam to beam until I could find a handhold in the stone and scurried up another story to the top of the wall. Sorry sodding fortress, I shouted to Kent with a wave. In a wink I was over the wall and down the drawbridge chains on the other side to the ground below.The old man was already at the render of the walled village, nearly disappearing amid the rain, tottering out onto the heath in his fur cape, looking like an ancient sodden rat.