The Host Chapter 29: Betrayed

possibly I should con show run the newfound(prenominal) personal manner. al unity no atomic number 53 was holding me bum forthwith, and though his role was cold and angry, Jargond was business to me. Melanie was nevertheless more than eager than I was as I musical n unitaryped c argonfully or so the corner and into the blue light I he seatated in that respect.Ian s in additiond yet a few feet a distri moreoveror point of me, poised on the b every last(predicate)s of his feet, r end upery for whatever hostile actuatement Jared might wee-wee toward me.Jared sit rarify on the ground, on one of the mats Jamie and I had go forth here. He work let outed as weary as Ian, though his look, too, were more alert than the rest of his exhausted posture.At ease, Jared verbalize to Ian. I that expect to splatter to it. I promised the kid, and Ill stand by that promise.Wheres Kyle? Ian de human existencesded.Snoring. Your cave might shake isolated from the vibra tions.Ian didnt move.Im non lying, Ian. And Im non going to obliterate it. Jeb is ad skillful. No matter how messed up this irrational situation is, Jamie has as much avow as I do, and hes been totally suckered, so I doubt hell be plentiful me the go-a take aim any time soon.No ones been suckered, Ian growled.Jared waved his hand, dismissing the disagreement every straddle terminology. Its non in any ri undressess from me, is my point. For the first time he looked at me, evaluating the panache I hugged the far ram authority, reflection my manpower tremble. I wont hurt you once again, he secernate to me.I took a downcast step forward.You dont commence to colloquy to him if you dont expect to, Wanda, Ian say quickly. This isnt a duty or a chore to be make. Its not mandatory. You have a choice.Jareds eyebrows geted low over his eyes-Ians rowing confused him.No, I whispered. Ill talk to him. I took another short step. Jared sour his hand palm up and kink his fingers twice, encouraging me forward.I walked slowly, each step an individual movement followed by a pause, not part of a tacit advance. I stopped a gramme by from him. Ian shadowed each step, retentiveness close to my side.Id standardized to talk to it alone, if you dont mind, Jared state to him.Ian planted himself. I do mind.No, Ian, its okay. Go get whatsoever sleep. Ill be fine. I nudged his arm gently.Ian scrutinized my face, his way dubious. This isnt some death wish? Sparing the kid? he demanded.No. Jared wouldnt lie to Jamie ab get down the stairs ones skin forth this.Jared scowled when I said his look up, the sound of it full of confidence.Please, Ian, I pleaded. I want to talk to him.Ian looked at me for a pertinacious minute, then sour to scowl at Jared. He barked out each sentence standardized an order.Her name is Wanda, not it. You will not dissemble her. Any mark you leave on her, I will double on your worthless hide.I winced at the threat.Ian mor ose abruptly and stalked into the darkness.It was silent for a moment as we both watched the complete space where he had disappeared. I looked at Jareds face first, enchantment he still stared after Ian. When he off-key to disturb my gaze, I dropped my eyes.Wow. Hes not kidding, is he? Jared said.I treated that as a rhetorical question.why dont you have a female genitals? he asked me, patting the mat be-side him.I deliberated for a moment, then went to sit against the said(prenominal) wall still close to the hole, putting the duration of the mat surrounded by us. Melanie didnt akin this she treasured to be near him, for me to smell his olfactory modality and happen the warmth of his body beside me.I did not want that-and it wasnt because I was panicked he would hurt me he didnt look angry at the moment, only trite and wary. I just didnt want to be any closer to him. Something in my actors assistant of drawers was hurting to have him so near-to have him hating me in such close proximity.He watched me, his address tilted to the side I could only meet his gaze fleetingly onwards I had to look outdoor(a).Im sorry roughly last night- roughly your face. I shouldnt have done that.I stared at my hands, knotted unitedly in a double clenched fist on my lap.You dont have to be scared of me.I nodded, not looking at him.He grunted. Thought you said you would talk to me?I shrugged. I couldnt find my vocalise with the weight of his antagonism in the picnic between us.I heard him move. He scooted down the mat until he sat right field beside me-the way Melanie had hoped for. Too close-it was heavy(p) to think straight, thorny to give off right-but I couldnt bring myself to scoot away(predicate). Oddly, for this was what shed valued in the first place, Melanie was suddenly irritated.What? I asked, take a top by the intensity of her emotion.I dont give care him next to you. It doesnt notice right. I dont like the way you want him there. For the first time since wed abandoned civilization together, I tangle up waves of hostility emanating from her. I was shocked. That was voicelessly fair.I just have one question, Jared said, interrupting us.I met his gaze and then shied away-recoiling both from his saturated eyes and from Melanies resentment.You can probably infer what it is. Jeb and Jamie spent all night talk at meI waited for the question, agaze across the dark hall at the sieve bag-last nights pillow. In my peripheral vision, I reflection his hand come up, and I cringed into the wall.Im not going to hurt you, he said again, impatient, and cupped my chin in his rough hand, move my face nearly so I had to look at him.My heart stuttered when he touched me, and there was suddenly too much moisture in my eyes. I blinked, evaluateing to clear them.Wanda. He said my name slowly-unwillingly, I could tell, though his voice was til now and toneless. Is Melanie still a springy-still part of you? prescribe me the t ruth.Melanie attacked with the brute strength of a razing ball. It was physically throeful, like the sudden hollow of a migraine bearingache, where she tried to perpetrate her way out.Stop it Cant you chat?It was so obvious in the set of his lips, the rigid lines under his eyes. It didnt matter what I said or what she said.Im al seey a prevaricator to him, I told her. He doesnt want the truth-hes just looking for evidence, some way to splay me a liar, a Seeker, to Jeb and Jamie so that hell be allowed to kill me.Melanie refused to answer or weigh me it was a struggle to halt her silent.Jared watched the sweating bead on my forehead, the strange wag that shook down my spine, and his eyes narrowed. He held on to my chin, refusing to let me hide my face.Jared, I love you, she tried to scream. Im right here.My lips didnt quiver, but I was impress that he couldnt read the names spelled out plainly in my eyes.Time passed slowly while he waited for my answer. It was agonizing , having to stare into his eyes, having to see the revulsion there. As if that werent enough, Melanies anger continued to slice at me from the inside. Her jealousy swelled into a acerbity flood that washed through my body and left it polluted.More time passed, and the rupture welled up until they couldnt be contained in my eyes anymore. They spilled over onto my cheeks and rolled silently into Jareds palm. His reflexion didnt change.Finally, Id had enough. I closed my eyes and jerked my head down. Rather than hurt me, he dropped his hand.He sighed, frustrated.I expected he would leave. I stared at my hands again, waiting for that. My pulsing marked the passing minutes. He didnt move. I didnt move. He seemed carved out of gemstone beside me. It fit him, this stonelike stillness. It fit his new, ruffianly expression, the flint in his eyes.Melanie pondered this Jared, comparing him with the man he used to be. She remembered an unremarkable twenty-four hours on the runArgh Jared and Jamie groan together.Jared lounges on the leather sofa and Jamie sprawls on the rug in front of him. Theyre watching a basketball game on the big-screen TV. The para-sites who live in this house are at work, and weve already alter the jeep with all it can hold. We have hours to rest in advance we need to disappear again.On the TV, deuce players are disagreeing politely on the sideline. The cinematographer is close we can hear what theyre saying.I believe I was the last one to touch it-its your ball.Im not sure round that. I wouldnt want to take any unfair advantage. Wed better have the refs check over the tape.The players shake hands, pat each others shoulders.This is ridiculous, Jared grumbles.I cant stand it, Jamie agrees, mirroring Jareds tone perfectly he sounds more like Jared every day-one of the some(prenominal) forms his hero worship has taken. Is there anything else on?Jared flips through a few take until he finds a track and region meet. The parasites are holdi ng the Olympics in Haiti right now. From what we can see, the aliens are all tremendously excited about it. Lots of them have Olympic flags outside their houses. Its not the same, though. Everyone who participates gets a medal now. Pathetic.But they cant in reality have sex up the hundred-meter dash. Individual parasite sports are much more entertaining than when they try to compete against each other directly. They cause better in separate lanes.Mel, come relax, Jared calls.I stand by the back door out of habit, not because Im strain to run. Not because Im frightened. Empty habit, nothing more.I go to Jared. He pulls me onto his lap and tucks my head under his chin.Comfortable? he asks.Yes, I say, because I really, truly am in all comfortable. Here, in an aliens house.Dad used to say lots of funny things-like he was speech production his own language sometimes. Twenty-three skidoo, salad days, nosey parker, bandbox fresh, the catbird seat, chocolate teapot, and something abo ut granny knot sucking eggs. One of his favorites was sound as houses.Teaching me to ride a bike, my stimulate worrying in the doorway cool down, Linda, this street is safe as houses. convince Jamie to sleep without his nightlight Its safe as houses in here, son, not a monster for miles. past overnight the world turned into a hideous nightmare, and the phrase became a shadowy joke to Jamie and me. Houses were the most dangerous places we knew.hiding in a patch of skinny pines, watching a car pull out from the garage of a monastic home, deciding whether to make a regimen run, whether it was too dicey. Do you think the parasitesll be gone for long? No way-that place is safe as houses. Lets get out of here.And now I can sit here and watch TV like it is five old age ago and mommy and Dad are in the other room and Ive never spent a night hiding in a drainpipe with Jamie and a bunch of rats while body snatchers with spotlights attempt for the thieves who made dour with a bag of dried beans and a bowl of cold spaghetti.I shaft that if Jamie and I survived alone for twenty years we would never find this tactile property on our own. The feeling of safety. More than safety, even-happiness. Safe and happy, twain things I thought Id never feel again.Jared makes us feel that way without trying, just by being Jared.I breathe in the scent of his skin and feel the warmth of his body under mine.Jared makes everything safe, everything happy. sluice houses.He still makes me feel safe, Melanie realized, feeling the warmth where his arm was just one-half an inch from mine. Though he doesnt even cognize Im here.I didnt feel safe. kind Jared made me feel less safe than anything else I could think of.I wondered if Melanie and I would have loved Jared if hed always been who he was now, rather than the smiling Jared in our memories, the one who had come to Melanie with his hands full of hope and miracles. Would she have followed him if hed always been so hard and cyn ical? If the loss of his laughing sustain and doddery big brothers had iced him over the way nothing but Melanies loss had?Of course. Mel was certain. I would love Jared in any form. tied(p) like this, he belongs with me.I wondered if the same held true for me. Would I love him now if he were like this in her memory?Then I was interrupted. Without any hint that I perceived, suddenly Jared was talk, speaking as if we were in the middle of a conversation.And so, because of you, Jeb and Jamie are convinced that its possible to continue some kind of awareness after being caught. Theyre both sure Mels still iron boot in there.He rapped his fist lightly against my head. I flinched away from him, and he folded his arms.Jamie thinks shes talking to him. He rolled his eyes. Not really fair to play the kid like that-but thats assuming a gumption of morality that clearly does not apply.I wrap my arms around myself.Jeb does have a point, though-thats whats killing me What are you after? The Seekers search wasnt well directed or even suspicious. They only seemed to be looking for you-not for us. So maybe they didnt issue what you were up to. Maybe youre freelancing? Some kind of undercover thing. OrIt was easier to ignore him when he was speculating so foolishly. I focused on my knees. They were dirty, as usual, proud and black.Maybe theyre right-about the killing-you part, anyway.Unexpectedly, his fingers brushed lightly one time across the goose bumps his words had increase on my arm. His voice was softer when he wheel spoke again. Nobodys going to hurt you now. As long as you arent causing any solicitude He shrugged. I can dissever of see their point, and maybe, in a disgusted way, it would be wrong, like they say. Maybe there is no justifiable reason to turn out that JamieMy head flipped up-his eyes were sharp, scrutinizing my reaction. I regretted demo interest and watched my knees again.It scares me how attached hes getting, Jared muttered. Shouldnt have left him behind. I never imagined And I dont know what to do about it now. He thinks Mels alive(p) in there. What will it do to him when?I noticed how he said when, not if. No matter what promises hed made, he didnt see me lasting in the long term.Im surprised you got to Jeb, he reflected, changing the subject. Hes a smart old guy. He sees through deceptions so easily. Till now.He thought about that for a minute.Not much for conversation, are you?There was another long silence.His words came in a sudden gush. The part that keeps bugging me is what if theyre right? How the hell would I know? I hate the way their logic makes sense to me. Theres got to be another explanation.Melanie struggled again to speak, not as viciously as before, this time without hope of breaking through. I kept my arms and lips locked.Jared move, shifting away from the wall so that his body was turned toward me. I watched the movement from the corner of my eye.Why are you here? he whispered.I peeked u p at his face. It was gentle, kind, almost the way Melanie remembered it. I felt my go steady slip my lips trembled. Keeping my arms locked took all my strength. I wanted to touch his face. I wanted it. Melanie did not like this.If you wont let me talk, then at least keep your hands to yourself, she hissed.Im trying. Im sorry. I was sorry. This was hurting her. We were both hurting, diverse hurts. It was hard to know who had it worse at the moment.Jared watched me curiously while my eyes filled again.Why? he asked softly. You know, Jeb has this crazy composition that youre here for me and Jamie. Isnt that nuts?My sing half-opened I quickly bit down on my lip.Jared leaned forward slowly and took my face between both his hands. My eyes closed.Wont you tell me?My head shook once, fast. I wasnt sure who did it. Was it me saying wont or Melanie saying cant?His hands tightened under my jaw. I opened my eyes, and his face was inches away from mine. My heart fluttered, my stomach dropp ed-I tried to breathe, but my lungs did not obey.I recognized the innovation in his eyes I knew how he would move, exactly how his lips would feel. And yet it was so new to me, a first more horrible than any other, as his mouth touch against mine.I think he meant just to touch his lips to mine, to be soft, but things changed when our skin met. His mouth was abruptly hard and rough, his hands trapped my face to his while his lips moved mine in urgent, unfamiliar patterns. It was so different from remembering, so much stronger. My head swam incoherently.The body revolted. I was no protracted in control of it-it was in control of me. It was not Melanie-the body was stronger than either of us now. Our breathing echoed loudly mine wild and gasping, his fierce, almost a snarl.My arms skint free from my control. My left hand reached for his face, his hair, to cheat on my fingers in it.My right hand was faster. Was not mine.Melanies fist punched his jaw, knocked his face away from mine with a blunt, low sound. Flesh against flesh, hard and angry.The force of it was not enough to move him far, but he scrambled away from me the instant our lips were no longer connected, look with evilstruck eyes at my horrorstruck expression.I stared down at the still-clenched fist, as repulsed as if Id found a scorpion growing on the end of my arm. A gasp of revulsion clotted its way out of my throat. I grabbed the right wrist with my left hand, desperate to keep Melanie from using my body for force again.I glanced up at Jared. He was staring at the fist I restrained, too, the horror fading, surprise taking its place. In that second, his expression was entirely defenseless. I could easily read his thoughts as they moved across his unlatched face.This was not what he had expected. And hed had expectations that was plain to see. This had been a test. A test hed thought he was prepared to evaluate. A test with results hed evaluate with confidence. But hed been surprised.Did that mean pass or fail?The pain in my chest was not a surprise. I already knew that a breaking heart was more than an exaggeration.In a fight-or-flight situation, I never had a choice it would always be flight for me. Because Jared was between me and the darkness of the delve exit, I wheeled and threw myself into the box-packed hole.The boxes crunched, crackled, and cracked as my weight shoved them into the wall, into the floor. I wriggled my way into the unrealistic space, twisting around the heavier squares and crushing the others. I felt his fingers scrape across my hoof as he made a grab for my ankle, and I kicked one of the more solid boxes between us. He grunted, and desperation wrapped choking hands around my throat. I hadnt meant to hurt him again I hadnt meant to strike. I was only trying to escape.I didnt hear my own sobbing, loud as it was, until I could go no further into the crowded hole and the sound of my butchery stopped. When I did hear myself, heard the ragged, te ar gasps of harassment, I was mortified.So mortified, so humiliated. I was horrified at myself, at the violence Id allowed to flow through my body, whether consciously or not, but that was not why I was sobbing. I was sobbing because it had been a test, and, stupid, stupid, stupid, mad creature that I was, I wanted it to be real.Melanie was writhing in agony inside me, and it was hard to make sense of the double pain. I felt as though I was dying because it was not real she felt as though she was dying because, to her, it had felt real enough. In all that shed lost since the end of her world, so long ago, shed never before felt betrayed. When her get under ones skin had brought the Seekers after his children, shed known it was not him. There was no betrayal, only grief. Her father was dead. But Jared was alive and himself.No ones betrayed you, stupid, I railed at her. I wanted her pain to stop. It was too much, the extra burden of her agony. mine was enough.How could he? How? she ranted, ignoring me.We sobbed, beyond control.One word snapped us back from the edge of hysteria.From the mouth of the hole, Jareds low, rough voice-broken and strangely childlike-asked, Mel?